Something unexpected happened to me and my family. We just had this amazing baby boy, Ryder in the beginning of March. We did everything we were supposed to. We waited the appropriate time while I healed. And when we did, it was done properly with protection. But to our surprise about 3 1/2 months after having Ryder I was shocked by a new pregnancy test. We will call it Gods blessing I wasn’t aware I needed at the time.
Right away I felt sadness. It wasn’t the typical happiness that most moms feel. I was just pregnant for what felt like forever and I was getting myself back. But the worst feeling of it, was how unfair it was to Ryder. I didn’t want to take anything away from him and his time with me, or be sick and tired for his baby stages. I didn’t want him to share the “baby status” with another baby. We had a plan. My husband and I had always planned on most likely 4 kids. I wanted to be done having kids by the time I was 30, I’m 27 now. I would wait another 2 or 3 years and have our last baby and spread out kids properly, giving each child the right amount of baby time. This is not how things are going to work.
My husband had been working away while I got this news and I didn’t want to tell him on the phone or some kind of Skype conversation. So I cried many days while holding my baby boy and waiting for what felt like forever for my husband to come home. I felt guilty for not immediately wanting this to happen. It would be something I would slowly work through and process. Just knowing my new baby would be born before Ryder would even turn 1 felt unfair. When my husband came home he didn’t really notice anything abnormal about me. Although I was holding a lot of feelings and was about to unleash them on him unknowingly. I waited until bedtime and crawled into bed and told him flat out while starting to cry. Although I know it wasn’t what he was expecting, he was the calm rational one. He showed happiness and didn’t stress the things I was stressing. Honestly, just being able to tell him was so relieving.
For about the first month or so after that I think I pretty much went into denial. I didn’t want to tell anyone our news for as long as possible. This way people could enjoy Ryder as much as they could before getting excited about a new baby. My husband and I always waited through the first trimesters before telling people anyways. So this wasn’t anything new. But soon, because I didn’t work off any previous baby fat yet, I noticed myself starting to show much faster than I had in the past. I would stress that people would notice before we would even tell them. Luckily, no one had any clue and I dressed wisely. Just after my first trimester we told everyone, they weren’t expecting the news.
By the time we had told our families I was starting to feel okay with the idea of what was happening. Ryder would have a very close playmate. Things would be hard for a while, double diapers, cribs, crying, babies. It would almost feel like having twins but different in obvious ways. Everything would be in twos but my babies would be in different stages.
Now I’m passed my halfway mark, I have been sick regularly but luckily I haven’t been so tired that Ive had to fight for naps too often. We have gone to 2 ultrasounds and baby seems healthy and is doing well. Ive had regular movement, and I’m getting bigger again, which seems almost just normal to me now. I don’t really remember being skinny anymore. We outgrew our small 3 bedroom townhouse and bought our first home. Everyone has their own space, which is a big stress reliever.
I really hope Ryder doesn’t resent me for having a baby so soon and that he can play with his sibling and love them as much as I do. Until then, I suppose I will just wait. I’ll update you in like a year!